


My Answer

by aerena



Category: Eleanor & Park - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: F/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 08:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5960958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerena/pseuds/aerena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Retelling Eleanor & Park with a song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Answer

"Eleanor," he smiled.  
"Park."  
He was always smiling. He smiled even more whenever she allowed him to touch her.  
She liked it when he touched her. She liked the way his fingers ran through her hair, the way he wrapped his arms around her and holding her like she wasn't a big, fat girl, and she especially liked it when he kissed her.  
She smiled back.

_I may seem strong, I may be smiling_

She woke up to shouts and the sound of something shattering - possibly a plate. She sat up in her bed, alert. The moon was shining through her window and she looked out at the night sky.  
She heard movements coming from the bottom bed, and she peeked to see Maisie, Ben, and Mouse huddled together. Eleanor slowly and silently climbed off her bed to hug them.  
They let her. It's one of those rare times that she felt like she still belonged with them after she returned.

_But there are many times when I'm alone_

Park stared at her when she got on the bus the next day. He waited until she sat beside him to hold her hand.  
"What's wrong?"  
She turned to him with a forced smile.  
"Just tired."

_I may seem like I don't have any worries, but I have a lot to say_

When she saw him that same morning, she thought back on the day they first met. Everyone was staring at her when she got on, and no one wanted to give her a seat. She was ready to stand until the bus reached the school, prepared to be humiliated even more than she already had been the moment she got on the bus and attracted everyone's attention.  
"Sit down."  
She heard from beside her. Eleanor turned to face a boy with jet black hair and green eyes sitting by the window. She couldn't decide if this guy is another jerk or not, but she just kept looking at him.  
" _Jesus-fuck_ ," he said softly, nodding to the space next to him, "just sit down."  
She did.

_The moment I first saw you, I was so attracted to you_

"It's more like a wish list," she said quietly on their way home from school after literature class.  
She had no idea why she decided to open her mouth and let the words slipped from her tongue. She had no obligation whatsoever to continue the conversation from earlier that morning.  
She didn't have to tell him that she had never heard the Smiths. Nor that the words in her notebooks are her wish list.  
"What?"  
"They're songs I'd like to hear." _Damn it, Eleanor._ "Or bands I'd like to hear." _Stop already._ "Stuff that looks interesting."

_I didn’t weigh out my thoughts and just talked_

Park.

_The answer is you_

"Park."

_My answer is you_

He kissed her. Behind the bushes. In his grandparents' driveway. Beside the RV.  
It was her first kiss.  
She had known that he would. Their faces had gotten really close that when she shook her head, their noses rub together.  
It was warm and soft and... She didn't know how to describe it. She closed her eyes and allowed him to lead the dance.  
He pulled away then and let his hand fall to her shoulder.  
"Okay?" He whispered.  
She nodded.  
Then he kissed her again.

_I should’ve been more careful, I should’ve saved myself_

"Tina? You went out with _Tina_?"  
"It was the sixth grade. It was nothing."  
"Did you kiss her?"  
"None of this matters."  
_Yes, it does Park._ She wanted to say. _You're the first guy that I've ever kissed and make me feel like this and now you're telling me that you used to date the girl who always make fun of me?_  
They talked some more and it ended with Eleanor saying, "I don't want to talk anymore."  
Then she left.

_So I wouldn’t get hurt_

"Eleanor, listen."  
"What?"  
"What happened between me and Tina... That's all in the past now. I don't care about her anymore."  
"You still defend her."  
"She's my friend,okay?" He took her hands in his and looked her straight in the eye. "That's all we're ever going to be, because I've got you now."  
Her breath got stuck in her throat.  
"Okay? I love you, and... Eleanor?"  
She tried to keep her tears from falling, because _God_ , who ever thought that being loved feel like this?

_I've never felt like this before, like my breath will stop_

She thought about him in class. Even in gym class.  
She thought about him when she got home.  
She thought about him when she was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling.  
She thought about him constantly and constantly wondered what made him come to love her.

_My head is filled with thoughts of you_

Park wore eyeliner today. Jesus, he looks so hot with it.  
"Eyeliner? Really?" She laughed.  
"What? You said I looked hot," he grinned.  
She kissed his cheek. "You are."  
He laughed.

_Your face, the sound of your laughter_

She had to go. Now.  
Her stepfather could catch her any second now, and her mother couldn't be relied on.  
Eleanor racked her brain while running.  
_Who can I go to? Who can help me?_ She thought.  
The answer hit her.

_The answer is you_

"Park! Your girlfriend is looking for you," Steve said.  
"What?" He got out of his bed and looked out the window to see Eleanor standing beside Tina, Steve was on the ground having just fell from the tree.  
She muttered. "Park."  
"Eleanor."

_My answer is you_

"It's okay. I'll be fine."  
"But Eleanor..."  
"I'll be fine, Park. You can go."  
"Are you sure?"  
She lets out a shaky breath. "Yes. Goodbye."  
"Don't."  
"What?"  
"Don't say goodbye. It makes it seem like we'll never meet again."  
"Park..." _I don't want to go._  
He pulled her into his embrace and kissed her.  
_I want to stay like this forever._  
She broke the kiss.  
_I'm sorry, Park._  
"It's time."  
_I have to go._  
He unwind his arms, "Okay. Promise you'll call?"  
"Yeah."  
She got out of the car and walked to the front steps. Raising her hand, she knocked thrice on the wooden door.  
Her aunt opened the door and invited her in. While her aunt went to call his uncle, Eleanor felt foreign in the house. Everything suddenly feels too tight.

_Don't leave, just let me stay by your side_

She turned on her heels and yanked the door open, hoping to see Park and jump back in the pick up.  
The view that greeted her was that of an empty road.  
"Eleanor?"  
She turned again to look at the couple.  
"Is there something wrong?"  
She shook her head and closed the door behind her.

_No matter how much I think about it_

She was sitting on her study desk. Months had passed and she hadn't written a single letter nor phoned Park.  
She turned the postcard in her hand and finally, picked up her pencil. She wrote down a sentence, then erased it, and then wrote another one down. The process continued on and on until she finally settled on one and used pen to rewrite it.

_So I'm writing then erasing_

She smiled as she wrote down Park's address to deliver the postcard.

_It's you_

Just three words long.

_You're my everything_

 

 


End file.
